If you look at the first or second post on my blog, I have something to say about 2 years ago, about the astronomers who used to wonder about the stars in the sky. Throughout the years that I grew up, I had a little piece of sky above my head that I felt I used to own.

In many ways, UK changed it. When I look back at that day in Pitlochry, the sky that was above my head looks so different to me now. The way you think about destiny, love, subconsciuos existence or the relationships you've shared, changes.

The afternon that I spent in quite solitude at my B&B at the village, I realised I was one of the very few tourists at the place for the time of the year. I worry about consciousness a lot and back then over there I was sure that even the cattle were surprised to see a stranger at that time of the year. Thats what I used to think. But in moments like these, when you do something new or something so out of the ordinary, logic and analysis cannot play its rational role.

I stayed at the place, enjoying the air, wind, sunshine and whatever cultural and folk stories my guidebook had fed me. I stuck to my plan, even though I hated every single Indian friend I had at work who did not come and accompany me. Quick and impulsive. I now realise that those were the times when my emotions had almost always had the ability to influence the way I act. karna hai to bas karna hai. And about 50 months later, ain't I glad those were the best days of my life ? Yeah a little bit filmy, but thats me.

I was supposed to be off and away from Pitlochry the same evening and back toward London the next day, but I rented a B&B at the village and skipped my tour bus, caught a Scotts rail and went to Loch Ness and then Inverness the following day and now have a fabulous crazy journey of self discovery that I will cherish for years to come.

I hardly ever feel the need to conform to a particular set of people or ways of thinking, and since I was all alone, do you know what remains with me after so much time? I can look back and feel every single experience, paint in my own fantasies when I dream. I did it for me and I did it all alone.

My team was mad about the 2 extra days I took off, and it cost me a bomb, the 5 unplanned days in Scotland - but I am all too glad that I did it, after 2 years of sobering up and all the related jazz.

If ever I had to do it again, would I do it alone, again? I dont think so. This time around, I remain with a feeling that I'd lke to show someone the Universe I've been to. The places I've seen and the things I've felt and the possibilities that remain for the explorations that many have already made. But then again, its always too much to ask for. When, the great Director, up above us decided to make a movie, he didnt cast me as the leading star, I used to feel.

Come to think about it again, he didn't maybe because he had a whole different set of audience intended for ME. I don't know what God's critics would have to say about me. But if only I were a little less anti-HIM and anti-women, I'd be appreciating a lot many more things around us all.

Next post, is going to be a bit more organised. I want to go back to the JPM days, and how me was to become into a ME.